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I am not a driver. I don't like it. Getting behind the wheel of a car causes
my chest to tighten, my palms to sweat and I have a strong desire to wrap
the car around a tree so that I don't have to be bothered by it ever again.
If I happen to end up hospitalized then my sisters are sure to get off my

I've owned two cars in my life. The last one I paid for in cash. I WANTED to
drive. I WANTED to be able to pick up and go when and where I wanted, until
I nearly had a heart attack behind the wheel.

I do realize it is unreasonable, this fear and its creeping into other areas
of my life. I haven't been on a plane in years and the last time I tried,
sheer panic. I'm disgusted by it, but therapy cost money and all of my
pennies (and I do mean PENNIES!) are going to keep my head above water right

I hope to get over this soon or at least start working on it. That would
require employment, though, so, eh. :/



Well I got a call from a staffing agency and I interview with them tomorrow at 930. I gotta make sure I'm decent and functional. The job is for a customer service job with financial company. I hope I get it. I need some steady income. WE need some steady income.

The job sounds like its near the airport, which would be a challenge to get to, but nothing like a challenge to get the blood flowing.

My mom says to keep praying, so that's what I do now, more than I have in a while. I hope God decides its time for me to find the right job.


I say its my birthday!

Ok so today is my birthday. I'm not giving out the number because I truly believe I'm older than most of the people on my flist.

I've got no major plans. My nieces made breakfast for me, pancakes and applesauce (hey, they are 12 and 6...i'm happy for them being able microwave without blowin up the place!)

I'm happy for the most part. I'm going to take the day and just chill. My sister is making dinner for me tonight and she's making me mac and cheese!! *sqquuueeealll*
I plan on watching a few movies and doing less than a rock today.

I'm particularly happy today. I'm alive, reasonably healthy, my family is ok and the kids are good.

It is a wonderful day.


looks over journal, dusts, cleans up a little and moves some things around.

Well that's a little better. Now on to the rant. Leave if you like, this one I have to get off my chest...the boobs are big enough as it is.

I don't play golf. The concept of chasing a small ball with a stick makes less sense to me than the territorial gang war called Football (says the Miami Dolphins fan) However I do respect the players and believe in giving credit where its due.

Tiger Woods is an EXCELLENT GOLFER. One of the best there is.

As a married man though he seems to have had trouble with the "forsaking all others" part of his marriage vows. In case this confuses you, in laymens terms, it means no fucking anyone that isn't your spouse.

The reason for his multiple transgressions is the same problem Eric Benet had and Sandra Bullocks possibly soon to be ex, Jesse James, has. Sex Addiction. Apparently, now instead just being a pig who wants to fuck all the pussy you can get, you are a sex addict.

As opposed to just being a whore. Yes, the MEN (a term I use as loose as they are) are whores. I can not deal with this. Instead of married men saying to women whose morals would rival a hookers on a good day, "Thanks but this cock is only for my wife." They put their peckers into almost any hole they can find and when caught say "Oh, I'm an addict, I couldn't help myself. I shouldn't be held accountable/responsible for my own actions."


You knew you were married and unless the skanks you thought were worth putting your marriage in jeopardy for were born the day before, they knew too.

My sister and Brother in law agree with me, but give me a different point of view.

The women were all about getting paid and getting their 15 minutes of fame. They are now being featured in Vanity Fair magazine...for fuckin another woman's husband.

I guess they are getting what they wanted. Congratulations.

Oh and "Ladies" here's a word you should look up...Karma. I hear its a bitch.


- Weight -

Ok it's just easier for me to give ya a link to the other journal so you can read the story. It's Weight and it's just something I worked on for a couple of days. Its nothing big and i'm sure there are cringe worthy errors, but if I didn't get it out of my head, my brain would have fizzled out of my ears!

So...check it out and let me know what ya think.

Please and thank you. :D



Prey -

New fic up.

I don't know if there is someplace else I should post these, since they aren't technically just Leverage characters.

I'll ask around.

I guess this would fall under the "Senses Stories" *i just don't think they are worth being called a !verse*

As usual thanks to the ever kinda jendavis for beta'ing. Oh and a hearty thanks to her for her fic "Man I Used to Be." Epic and excellent. Go. Read. Now!!

Don't you wish Eliot was stalking you?


Working on a fic...Yay? (From cell)

I'm off today and I'm working on a story. Yes I am actually writing.

I think I have ADD or something, because I get one idea for a fic and want
to work on that. Then something else fantastic comes in my brain and I want
to write THAT. Its crazy. Maybe I should post these evil plot bunnies
somewhere so they could drive someone else criminally insane...yea you heard

Anyway, the fic I'm working on is....well let me flesh it out more and then
I'll tell ya about it.

*grumbles to self* I don't know how the others do it, but I'm going to
finish this fic if it kills...someone!


*Listening to Lush Life - Natalie Cole*

Music, Moving and Books, Oh My!

*You knew I was gonna go there right? lol*

So three things for discussion today.

1. Music. Christian Kane gave us a song on his updated website www.christiankane.com I am so HAPPY! That the song is "House Rules" is icing on the cake. I'm listening to Pandora again and they just play "Crush on You" by The Jets. I miss that song. I need some more new music. I haven't listen to the radio in forever (now they are playing "Never" by Heart. That was a great group) I keep hearing about Lady Gaga who, apparently, was on Oprah this/last week. I only just finally paid attention to her (Gaga) because she did a tune with Beyonce, the baddest broad in the world right now, and without all the crap, costumes and stuff, she's very pretty. That should have no bearing on her music and it doesn't. I'm still not feelin her stuff. (Joan Jett now "Hate myself for lovin you")

I miss 80's music. I miss Motown and real singers. Oh I sat through American Idol and was surprised by some of the singers. The ones who could actually carry a tune and the ones who couldn't. Really? REALLY?! You let your kid go out in public and get on TV with THAT voice? That's just wrong! It seems like it would qualify as abuse, at least thats what my ears say.

Does anyone SING anymore? I need a soul singer. Someone who's voice hits my spine and makes me moan in pleasure. I need singers who make me want to dance, even though i have less rhythm than a flightless bird. *sigh*

2. I seem to be losing what's left of my mind. I am considering moving back to Minneapolis, MN the USA's icebox. I do realize that the only thing that keeps me here are the kids but I can't stand Florida anymore. I need something else. I don't even know if Minnepolis is the right place. I should go somewhere I haven't been, but that would take a lot of work and planning. Ok, time to break out the map and the darts. ;)

3. Books. I haven't read a decent book in forever. I need to find something interesting and something that will help with my writing. I used to read all the time, it was mostly trashology and mythology, but it was fun. I love reading. It's the cheapest way of travel in the world. Pick up a book and go anywhere. I remember Judy Blume was a favorite. I need to find adult books that will take me places. I'll run over to Amazon and see what they have. (Huh sounds like I'm going to the corner store.)

Well that's all of my rambling for today. I'm gonna try and make it to a movie today. I keep hearing about Avatar, but I haven't seen Sherlock Holmes or the Frog Princess and I really want to see both of them first. The Book Of Eli looks good and there's Denzel Washington, so, yeah, I'm there.

I'll let ya know what happens.


Happy New Year

Today is the last day of 2009.

I must say this year wasn't a banner one for the family, but I believe that since we got through it, things will be better next year.

It comes at a price. I know that I have to make changes in 2010 and I know those changes will be met with fear, loathing and downright hate...and thats just from me.

I do know that I'm so stagnant right now that I can't stand it. I can't stand myself, or my life. It's just not...I'm just not happy. I do know that I want more and I have to be the one to get it. No one is going to give it to me and I know no Knight is going to ride in and save me.

I have no desire to be saved...at least not by someone else. I'll do it myself, thank you.

Odd numbered years have always sucked for me anyway, so I feel like 2010 will be better.

I have an idea of what I need to do and I have to be the one to do it. No more curling into the fetal position or taking the Ostrich point of view (head in the sand) until things either work out, or go so horribly wrong I have no choice but to do something. That always ends badly.

So I have to get things in motion and moving in the proper direction.

My Cousin...

Got MARRIED!! She and her husband, Donald, which is the name of a cousin of ours...how funny, got married this week or the past weekend.

I'm really happy for her and him. I don't think I've ever met him, or if I have, I'm the one who doesn't remember. Its cool. She's happy and thats all that matters.

She is preggers and he wanted to get married before the baby came, which I think is very cool.

Her dad was able to make the trip and I have to admit I'm a little jealous that he was able to walk her down the aisle. On top of that today is my dads birthday. *sniff*

But none of that matters. My cousin Cheryl "is married now"




Persia eating

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